So I'm cooking Christmas dinner this year, at my brother and sister-in-law's house in Victoria. This morning, I received the following correspondence from my sister-in-law:

Season’s greetings Ms. Lemon,

I am pleased to announce that your application to cook Christmas Dinner at the home of your brother and SIL (herein referred to as “the Hosts” ) has been accepted. Kindly forward the application fee of three (3) jars of home-canned peaches and we will be happy to proceed with the planning activities listed below.

There are several key pieces of information that you must know prior to this dinner. Please read the list below in its entirety.

- Please arrive at least _ (blank) hours prior to the meal. This will be filled in after discussion with all parties and must be initialed by all parties to be considered binding.

- The guest list will include the following beings:

o Mr. Richard Lemon

o Mrs. Donna Lemon

o Mr. Alex Lemon

o Mrs. Laura Lemon*

o Ms. Danielle Lemon

o Mr. LB Lemon – Please note that this guest has special dietary needs. Mr. LB’s favorite food is turkey but he only enjoys white meat and he prefers no seasoning.

- The Hosts will provide beverages that consist of the following:

o Water

o Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Juice™

o Assorted sparkling wines and non-sparkling wines

o Other

- The Hosts will provide a table set in the latest fashion. This will include the mandatory minimum of three (3) Christmas-y table decorations (TBD).

- The Hosts will be on hand to assist in the preparation of certain Christmas dinner foods.

- In lieu of a hosting gift, the Hosts would prefer cash ($).

In addition to the important points above, the hosts request that you provide further information in several key areas:

- Are there any ingredients needed for the dinner that the Hosts could pick up this weekend on their regular shopping trip?†

- Are there any other special things needed for the dinner that you require from the Hosts?

- Will the application fee arrive in time for this entire dinner to be pulled off?

Thank you for your application and we look forward to working with you in the near future.

Sincere Christmas regards,

The Hosts

* Denotes special guest

† Indicates mandatory response

My response:

Dear Sirs/Mesdames:

We are in receipt of your correspondence dated December 14, 2011.

With regards to the gourmet festive seasonal dinner (hereinafter, the "Dinner") to be prepared by world-renowned chef Danielle Lemon (hereinafter, the "Boss"), expert consultations with regards to the menu continue, which we hope to finalize with a binding Letter of Intent (the "LOI") by 9 a.m. PST, Friday, December 16, 2011. Schedule "A" of the LOI shall include a list of items to be delivered by the Hosts in relation to the Dinner.

This is of course subject to your acceptance of our revised fee offer of one (1) jar of home-canned peaches, to be delivered by the Boss prior to the Dinner. Due to other on-going projects requiring canned fruit goods, the Boss is unable to agree to your requested fee of three (3) jars of home-canned peaches and we find your request, to be candid, excessive.

Kind regards,

Currie F. Lemon, Esq. on behalf of

Danielle Lemon Law Group

"Fresh Advice"

375 Water Street, Suite 200

The Landing in Gastown

Vancouver, B.C. V6B 5C6